Posting It Here...

...so I don't say it to her face.

Here's the context. Remember the Burrower? Well, she and one of my supervisors have gotten into a bit of an office rivalry. The Burrower has never liked my supervisor (partly because she was hired by someone else the Burrower disliked, partly because of basic personality clashes). In the fall, when a big report was due, my supervisor and I discovered to our horror that her predecessor had failed to maintain the documentation needed for the report. Lots of last minute scrambling ensued, and we pulled the bacon out of the fire. The Burrower decided that this was evidence of my supervisor's incompetence instead of the reverse and has been beating my supervisor over the head with it ever since. We are also currently in transition to a new Big Boss, a person with a prior relation with the Burrower. The Burrower has seized this opportunity with both hands to make life difficult for my supervisor, and by extension for me. (The Burrower has also never shaken her impressions formed of me when I was first working there as a temp. If my supervisor is "incompetent" in her eyes, I am "clueless" and don't have enough work to do and am at everyone's beck and call, including hers.) One of her favorite things to do is to closet herself with Big Boss II and offer all kinds of suggestions about how we could do our jobs better. (Yes, how we could do our jobs better.) She is particularly fond of waiting until my supervisor is out of the office to do this, meaning that there is either no counter-weight or the counter-weight is weak because it's left up to me to explain my supervisor's job to Big Boss II -- and, honestly, I don't have enough experience to do so (not that the Burrower does, but that's not how she tells it). Not to mention it's rather unethical asking an underling to talk about her supervisor in that supervisor's absence!

So. During my supervisor's current absence, the Burrower successfully wheedled Big Boss II into requesting I put some additional information into a monthly report for BBII. Her reasoning was that it would be more convenient for her for us to put this in our reports. (Yes, again, for her for us to put this in our reports.) This is information that the Burrower already has access to, mind you. Adding this information means additional (and unneeded -- we already have this information filed in ways that are useful to us) work for me. Her explanation is that she "can't" access this information herself on the computer (a lie -- and even if true, it would mean something's severely wrong with her access privileges) and that it would take "too much time" to do it. (So, you can see, even she knows that her other excuse is a lie.)

But there's no way out of including this information now. BBII expects it, having been persuaded by the Burrower's lies, so it's got to be on there. However, it has occurred to me that there is absolutely no reason for me to make the Burrower her very own special copy. BBII warrants one, obviously, and it makes sense to have a hard copy filed with the other records in my supervisor's office. So I'm not going to make the Burrower a copy. If she wants a copy, there are many other ways for her to get one, including walking 20 feet to borrow the original and making her own copy. (She also has three underlings of her own; contrast that to my supervisor having to share me with someone else.)

The current problem is that I'm having trouble not envisioning all sorts of brutally honest and insulting ways to inform her that I'm not going to do her work for her. So I'm writing them here, so when she asks, I can simply tell her that the report is available for copying whenever she wants to do so, and walk away. Here's the brutally honest version I'm not going to say:

The Burrower: Have you finished that report yet?
Rana: Yes.
B: Have you made copies of it yet?
R: Yes.
B: Where's my copy?
R: I didn't make one. I made one for BBII and filed the original in supervisor's office.
B: Will you make me a copy?
R: No. If you need a copy, you can ask supervisor for it and make as many copies as you need.
B: Oh, I don't have time for that.
R: So you want me to do it for you.
B: Yes, please. (Note that this is being said in a tone of, "What are you, dumb?" combined with saccharine fakeness.)
R: No. Do it yourself. I have work to do.
B: Why won't you make me a copy? It won't take long.
R: I know it wouldn't. But there's no reason why I should make you a copy.
B: BBII got a copy.
R: She's BBII. That's why she gets special treatment. Are you saying that you get special treatment too?
B: (frustrated) No. Rana, why won't you just make me a copy?
R: Burrower, I report to Supervisor I and Supervisor II. I don't report to you. Making you a copy would be doing you a favor, and I don't want to.
B: Why not?!
R: Because you only do favors for people you like and respect. Neither applies in your case.
B: I can't believe you said that!
R: Sorry. (Said with no sympathy at all.)
B: Why can't you just make me a stupid copy?!
R: I don't like you, and I'm sick of you treating me like I'm your lackey because you can't get off your lazy ass and do your own work. I DON'T WORK FOR YOU. I work for BBII and for my supervisors. You're nothing but another co-worker to me. It's not my problem that you don't know how to use your computer properly, and that you're too lazy to make your own copies. Ask one of your own people to make you copies if you have to, but stop bugging me. I have work to do. So do you. Go do it, and stop trying to browbeat me into doing it for you so you can sit there on your lazy ass dreaming up ways to cause trouble. I'm onto you, and I've told the BBII what you've been doing, so STFU.

R: Exits, leaving behind the Burrower, stunned and aghast.

(In real life, I'll just smile blandly and show her the location of the report, and leave. I may be ranty, but I'm not stupid.)

Comments

[Jill Smith]

Ooooooh. Stupid office politics. Burrower will get her own back, of this I am sure.

Interestingly enough, two of your prior posts about Burrower ended with dessert. Now I want cookies (okay, I wanted cookies before - now I just really want them).

[Rana]

Drat! Now I want cookies too! Big gooey chocolate chip ones...

*stomach rumbles*

I hope Ms. B will get hers back, but I'm not holding my breath. She's been here a looooooong time. I just have to stay sane until D. makes the leap out of adjuncthood and we can move. It's a shame, really, because I like everyone else there, and the work itself is comfortable. I just really, really hate this kind of crap.

[wolfangel]

I'm going to make cookies tonight now, thanks to you.

"Stay" sane? Aren't we assuming a lot. :>

I hate that kind of shitty office politics. I guess knowing that you're only there temporarily so it won't matter forever doesn't help? I wish D luck in job-hunting.

[Rana]

Okay, okay. Stay sane _at work_.

Better? (dork)

*grin*

Yeah, knowing that no matter what, I'm not going to spend the rest of my life working there, is a thing of comfort.

[Jill Smith]

Crap, Wolfangel - do I have to go to Canada for cookies now?

FYI, Rana - I may be an Aries but I am tenacious. If you and D are coming to DC for any reason, we better darn well at least see the whites of your eyes (if not have you staying in our guestroom). There are LOTS of universities here...

:-) ::blink, blink::

Who, me? Obnoxious?

:-) ::blink::

[wolfangel]

I'm all about accuracy in blogging.

And you can get cookies in the US . . . unless they're French. I forgot to make them, though.

[Rana]

I'll keep that in mind, Jill. :) (One thing I somewhat miss about my long drives up and down the California-Oregon coast was being able to crash at friends' houses along the way.)

No cookies here, either, alas. I _do_ have a D-baked brownie I'm saving for dessert!

[Tutor]

Getting fired for blogging stuff from on the job is not infrequent. Even though you blog anonymously, google may eventually link your blog and your personal name. (Others who know your name may link to you by name and that can do it.) In general, I would use your literary wiles to write short stories, parables, and other fictions, rather than get too close to real life. Just a thought. Hope you are well in this the so-called "real world."

[Rana]

Good advice -- but a bit late. I've already been "laid off" from this job, and I'm moving into freelance work.

I also Google myself regularly, to reduce the likelihood of the kind of scenario you describe from happening.

I'm not aiming for absolute protection; I'm only hoping for plausible deniability.