Worried

I just learned that I dodged a bullet a few weeks ago. Apparently my head was on the chopping block and I didn't even know it. Nor do I know why they were thinking of firing me, except that it may have had to do with money. Now, it may be that the person who told me this had ulterior motives; she presented herself in the re-telling as having gone to bat for me. In fact, it seems likely that she does have some hidden agenda of her own, but I'm not in a position to assess fully what it might be.

I am chilled nonetheless.

Comments

[Jill Smith]

oooh. Uck. Is there anyone whom you trust who might be in a position to give you the straight scoop?

[profgrrrrl]

Ouch. That sucks.

[sappho]

This might be a good time to talk to your direct supervisor (if that's not the person who told you this tale) about your position, the departmental budget, etc. No reason not to be a little proactive, even if it's 6 months until your next performance review (you do have performance reviews in your unit? if not, why not suggest them, again as a proactive way to ensure that you don't get blindsided).
You might also do some reading in the HR section of the institution's intranet; there are probably some sort of procedures that have to be followed before anyone is "fired," and usually, it can't be out-of-the-blue.

[Rana]

Hmm... good suggestions, sappho. Unfortunately, this person is one of my direct supervisors (and anyone else I could talk to is either out of the loop or part of the problem), and, even more unfortunately, this place is not reliably formal when it comes to hiring/firing decisions. This worked to my advantage when they decided to employ me; it may well work to my disadvantage should I be fired. We don't, for example, have performance reviews; indeed, there isn't even one particular person who would be appropriate to do such a review -- there is no clear hierarchy beyond the relations between "supervisors" and "assistants." It doesn't seem to be performance related, in any case; it was more of a budget decision and different people failing to talk to each other -- something that is endemic here. There's also a lot of quiet shit-stirring, and I really don't want to walk into someone else's powerplay by being too obvious at this point. (My supervisor's revealing of this to me is, I suspect, part of her own power-playing -- which makes things even more dicey.)

*sigh* I hate this sort of thing.

[michelle]

Yuck. Hang in there.

[Harrison]

Oh lord...I've gone through so many reorgs (working for startups through the boom and bust of Silicon Valley), and I haven't even been working *that* many years.

Glad you escaped the chop. It happens to the best of people...

[LiL]

Oh this you're-still-here-because-of-me and the occasions for it are of the worst variety of office politics. I'm sorry you have to deal with it. And glad you did not get fired.

[Rana]

Lil -- me too. What is particularly aggravating about this is that I've been pretty happy in this job (bored sometimes, but not annoyed) and content to be a good little peon. I have liked my co-workers, and was planning that when I eventually leave I'd give them all sorts of documentation of what I did and how to duplicate it (change-overs here have been hell in the past).

Now I'm looking at it all with a rather jaded eye and harboring thoughts of just dumping the mess, unexplained, on my successor's desk, leaving everyone to flail about until they figure out how I managed to keep it all running so smoothly and yet still failing to duplicate my success.

I am also somewhat abristle at the implied quid-pro-quo/threat involved in making me privvy to this sort of information. It's dangerous for me to know it, and expecting me to be grateful after the fact runs smack into my "hot stove" tendencies -- that is, the act of telling me how to act/think (even by implication) provokes a stubborn desire to do just the opposite in order to piss off the person making the unwanted advice and show them that they're not the boss of me. Immature, yes. So I don't act on those impulses. But they are there, and this situation has provoked them. Grr.

[LiL]

You know, the more I think about it, the more I feel like something doesn't add up about your colleagues's story. I don't know what your university's specific policies are but it's actually not that easy to fire someone. Either there has to be a good strong disciplinary reason (which it doesn't sound like you have) or money problems, in which case (as far as I know) there are two ways to go: a.) you're on a term contract and the money goes away at the end of the term and the easiest thing to do for all parties involved is to wait out the term and then not renew your contract or b.) you're not on a term contract, in which case they probably have to give you a settlement or some such thing if they fire you because of financial reasons. From what I know where I work, this latter case is actually more advantageous than leaving of your own accord. But either way, it's not that easy to fire people from a university, even if they're not unionized.

Which means that your colleague sharing this story of allegedly standing up for you was about some form of a power game - sounds almost like she feels threatened by you and wanted to put you in your place, sort of, making you feel like you're the junior person whose employment depends on others, like her. When in fact probably something like the opposite is true: her being able to do her job depends on you and your being employed right where you're employed.

I may have misunderstood what's going on... But I've had some games played with me too recently not to wonder.

[Rana]

Good points, Lil, but what I think you (and others) may not have understood is that I am not faculty or adjunct here. I am part of the administrative staff, in a support position that was more-or-less created for the sole purpose of hiring me in particular. I had been working here as a temp, and was repeatedly requested by the staff here by name, thus they eventually thought it might be good for me to be here permanently instead of only at moments of crisis. So I am indeed literally here because my supervisors wanted me personally to be here, and were able to persuade others of this. My position has expanded somewhat since then because it has become pretty clear that the two offices I support do need daily assistance; I handle the data entry work and the time-consuming filing, report wrangling, etc. so they can focus on the main duties of their positions.

But I suspect some people only believe that what I do is necessary when crises happen, and that crises are a normal working condition; my success at preventing crises makes them wonder if I'm really necessary. (Yes, this is fucked up, and yes, I plan to explain this should the question come up again.)

Second, this is not a university; it is a vocational institution, and there is nothing resembling a union in sight. It is also a very small institution, which means I literally know everyone here, and personal politics are a real factor in what really should be impersonal, HR-type decisions.

[LiL]

Oh I understand what position you're in hiring-wise. All too well, actually. That's exactly what got me thinking, becuase what you're describing is very much like the type of staff position I now have - I fall into the category of administrative staff despite the fact that I also work with faculty here - my supervisor wanted to hire me for stuff I'd done in a less formal capacity and for which there was a demonstrated need so my job was created. And no unions here either, or any securities - but there are laws, and firing someone is really very unpleasant business and you can't do it without giving some very, very good reasons, no matter how small the place. I actually know of people here who have gotten layed off or fired recently, so I have some idea of what it entails. I've panicked about this very same thing not too long ago too...

But I also find that, as much as I may complain, one's supervisor usually knows how many crises one has averted and how bad things would be if one wasn't there.

[dale]

Ick. I hate this sort of thing. Hate it, and hate what it evokes in me. I know if there was anyway to get more trustworthy information, you'd already have done it, so (turning it upside down and shaking it) my advice bag is empty...

I agree anyway that it's a weird thing to tell somebody, though the motivation could be as harmless as not being able to resist the five-year-old impulse to say "I know something YOU don't know!"

[Rana]

Yes, it could very well be that. This person does terribly love the gossip, and tends to thrive on drama (to the point of aggravating it, I've suspected on occasion). So that may be what's going on, along with a need for ego-stroking that I'm not terribly inclined to provide (especially not now).

What I find annoying in myself is that my immediate response is to just quit, in a sort of cutting off the nose to spite the face kind of way. But I'll get over it, and next fall I'll be doing something else (fingers crossed).

[Jimbo]

Oh, that sucks. I'm so sorry. As with some of the other comments, something about the story doesn't add up to me. It sounds like your supervisor was trying to make you feel indebted. The question would be why.

I hope this sorts itself out soon!

jwb

[New Kid on the Hallway]

Belatedly, let me add my good wishes to the rest and hope that this resolves itself well for you!

[Rana]

Thanks, everyone. I'm just going to sit tight for now. I think it has much more to do with my supervisor than me, and it's up to her to deal with her own issues. In some ways I'm a grateful that she did this; it served as a wake-up call and reminder that co-workers are often best viewed in purely business terms. It seems like it's time to put some of my "Minnesota Nice" training to work. (e.g. present a surface friendliness that may or may not correspond with an underlying real friendliness)

That said, I do hate this kind of shit -- it's too high schooly for words.