Alienated Freak

I'm in one of my depressed moods. Perhaps it is hormones (which I know is a cliche, but in this case I suspect it is true as well), but it's mostly manifesting in a sense of political fatigue and general alienation from what my native country seems to have become. I'm tired of hearing about what independent voters think about the election, reading and listening to endless dissections about how the Democrats need to get it together, fretting over what the Republican voters are going to do and whether voting for Bush is perhaps a reasonable thing to do, getting frustrated over a media that seems hell-bent on echo-chambering minutiae and trivia at the expense of real issues, a Congress that is doing the same... and I'm not even in a swing state.

What it comes down to, I think, is a combination of incomprehension and alienation and envy. I simply don't understand why more people don't think like I do, or, if they do, why I'm not hearing their voices in the mainstream. I'm tired of being in a sidewater stream, feeling like I'm a freak for actually caring about intelligent debate, questioning mindless consumerism, for wondering why we can't take issues like the environment and worker benefits and social safety nets seriously, for feeling uneasy about the rise of religious fervor across the nation and world, and so on. Lately I feel afraid to even hint at my political views in public, fearing that if I do I will be condemned as a traitor and subjected to a lengthy harangue about how we need to defend America against those terrorist bastards.

And I am bitterly envious of those independents -- and now "ordinary Republicans" if this weekend's This American Life is anything to go by -- who are being courted and analyzed and marketed to. Where are the candidates who will court me on my issues? Why isn't the media wondering about disaffected liberal voters? Why is the only party that comes close a tiny minority, yet also apparently a threat so great that both major parties wish to do away with it? Why are my views caricatured as tree-hugging wacky hippie radicalism, as if they are not shared by majorities in nations around the world? Why are centrist, corportist candidates lambasted as the leftist fringe, and why do they flee from association with those of us who are genuinely left of center? Why do I feel like I might have to leave the country of my birth in order to share it with people who think my views are not bizarre, but within a reasonable part of the socio-political spectrum?

It may be hormones, but there's more to it than that.

Oh, and I am very tired of hearing about the guy who saved himself by cutting off his arm after a boulder fell on it. A brief note inside the fold is acceptable. A two-hour news special is ridiculous. Adding radio coverage after that is more than gratuitous, it is excess. That is all.

Comments

[Jill Smith]

Amen, sister. On all of it. John somehow got a subscription to Outside magazine (gift? we're not sure), and arm-cutting-guy was on the cover of it last month. I kept burying it in the pile of magazines on our coffee table (as I wasn't keen to see "hiking alone where nobody knows where you've gone" stupidity turned celebrity), and it kept randomly resurfacing. It has finally gone to its final resting place: the great recycle bin.

[dale]

Yeah. All of the above.

I do think about leaving, sometimes. There are plenty of countries in which I'd be a moderate centrist, rather than a left-wing looney. And there's that particular strident hectoring tone becoming more prevalent nowadays, the one that was everywhere during the Vietnam War. There's no such thing as dissent; only treason. (Or, from the Left: you're either on the bus or off the bus -- Same sentiment in a different suit.)

I take that "alienated freak" experience, now, as an early warning sign that I'm not meditating enough. It doesn't really carry any exciting new information about the state of the nation or the characteristics of our people. I've known for decades that a country that re-elected both Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan by landslides is not one that will ever have a place for me in its mainstream. It isn't news about America; it's just news about my state of mind.

Turn off the computer (television, radio) throw the newspaper and the magazines in the recycling bin, and do some yoga.

[Rana]

dale -- yes. I know a lot of this is in my mind (in the sense of my reactions, not the events that trigger them) and I know my coping skills ebb and flow, and I'm at ebb tide now. Yoga does help get me out of that mode; I did some last night for that very reason.

It does feel like I'm being slapped in the face with this more than before -- I'm used to holding views at odds with the mainstream, but I'm not used to feeling like I'm insane or unAmerican for holding them. I mean, hell, even faithful ol' NPR seems not objective but merely uncritical these days when it comes to covering dicey political topics, and all too willing to simply mouth the latest talking points. It grieves me.

And Air America, that supposedly "pro-left-wing" station, is a joke. Sorry. I tried to listen to it a few times, and it's just like righty talk radio -- loud, simplistic, ideological, blindly one-sided -- only with the issue positions reversed. Bleah.

[yami]

Why are my views caricatured as tree-hugging wacky hippie radicalism, as if they are not shared by majorities in nations around the world?

Doubleplus amen. I loved feeling like a moderate in Denmark - but then I also felt compelled to answer for my countryfolk, so I don't think leaving will ever solve the problem. We're stuck with our births.

However, from a purely selfish view I'm very glad politicans aren't trying to woo me. I lived in Iowa quite long enough, thanks, and the specter of endless irritating campaign ads -- not to mention Alan Keyes popping round for tea and a quick dip in the mosh pit -- still keeps me up at night.

[fw]

Try being a far-left Canadian who moves to this climate you are describing. It is quite bizarre.
What I would consider right-wing passes for left wing here.

Not to diminish what you were saying, because I hear you on feeling like an outsider...

[Amanda]

I'm joining y'all in the alienated freak corner. What I want to know is: why, if liberals supposedly control all the media, do I never see any of that when I turn on the TV?

As a friend of mine once said: "If I were French, I'd be normal." (Or Danish, or Dutch, or Canadian...)

[DM]

It's certainly not hormones that has caused you to feel this way, given that there are plenty of males who would agree. While there are parts of California, in which I don't feel like a freak, along with various outposts in the rest of the country, it really does feel pretty bad. And if Bush should be reelected, and we continue down this road towards economic ruin etc...it does make me wish the markets for academics abroad weren't even worse than they are here. Maybe it is time to take a break from the world of politics. Don't check the polls for a week, don't watch the news or read the papers. Instead, enjoy life. The election will not have disappeared this time next week.

[cindy]

I hear ya. Bill Maher was on Larry King tonight (I never watch King, but I made the exception), and as I listened to him I thought as I usually do how wonderful Maher is at making it all so clear. Why, why, why can't everyone see it?!

I don't want to move to France or Canada or Holland; I want a better America. Is that too much to ask for?

[Claire]

I can understand how you feel.

[beth]

Rana, this could have been me talking - right down to the hormone part. Going back and forth weekly between Montreal and the US has made me hyper-aware of all the things you describe. Up here, I am practically a moderate among flaming liberals. In the US - even in the liberal northeast - I feel like a freak, with an ever-shrinking group people who seem to share my alienation and values, or even seem to have their eyes open. It does help to unplug: I never watch TV, listen to talk radio, or read the mainstream media if I can help it. Life has been easier since my husband and I dropped out of participation in the popular culture; in past times in history, people like us have formed their own communities and support systems out of necessity. I'm glad there are some tree-hugging hippies left!

[Michelle]

My tendency for years has been to unplug so I'll offer that advice as well (maybe til just the hormones subside?) :) (You'd die here, if that makes you feel any better, though I suspect it doesn't.) Hang in there.

[wolfangel]

Another vote from the "you call THAT left-wing?" Canadian contigent (and indeed, also from the leftiest of the provinces). Of course I truly couldn't complain: I was either told that without the US, Canada wouldn't exist or that I should just leave already since I was so down on it. (And, yes, the political atmosphere in the US was another reason helping me leave.) At least I wasn't being told I must hate my own country.

So I understand the feeling, a little, and I'm sorry. And I couldn't read a single article about armless guy: too gross.

[Kevin Walzer]

If it's any consolation, things aren't necessarily better at my end of the spectrum. I was just chased away from a poetry listserv I've subscribed to for a couple of years. One guy posted, with a bit of a sneer, "I'd have a hard time believing anyone on this list is voting for Bush." I raised my hand, explained why in a civil tone, and then watched the fireworks start. I expected disagreement, which was fine, but when someone said she was "personally offended" by my statements and laid the blame for homophobia and back-alley abortions at my feet, I decided to quit rather than get sucked into a flame war.

I think you touch on part of the issue--the media prefers things to be reduced to digestible chunks. There's no room for nuanced discourse, which is why lefty talk radio is as bad as Rush Limbaugh. That also reduces positions to caricatures of their real dimensions--i.e. you're a lefty tree hugger, or a right-wing carnivore. That makes substantial political discourses more difficult to engage in. (For what it's worth, I prefer William Safire and Charles Krauthammer to the Rushman.)

Also, I do think that the median political line is different in the U.S. than it is in Europe. Europe actually has a history of socialist government, for instance, and we do not, so what seems outrageous or even unimaginable here is no big deal there. That probably accounts for some of the alienation that you feel, at least in terms of mainstream culture. But again, that cuts both ways. I have become a conservative, but my main cultural haunts--the ex/recovering-academic blogosphere, the poetry world--are populated mainly by leftists, which I once was. So, I sometimes feel out of place as well.

Forming one's own community and support group is certainly a healthy thing to do. By starting a home-based business, that's what I've done. That's a reaction less against a particular political viewpoint than an institutional setting--in this case, the large corporation, which is definitely not family friendly. Even though I make use of what I learned there on a daily basis, I would never consider going back.

As for relocating to another country, are Americans any more welcome in foreign countries than foreigners are here? I'm not speaking in recent terms, i.e. they hate Bush and would transfer that hatred to any American. From what I understand, it's incredibly hard for Americans to find work in Canada, for instance. (When I was applying for tenure-track jobs, all the Canadian job ads said that preference would be given to Canadian citizens.) My facts may be wrong here, so this question is a genuine inquiry. But my fundamental point is that, irrespective of how easily it would be to move to a socialist European country, doesn't it make more sense to stay and try to improve things that you think need improving?

[Rana]

I'm going to respond primarily to your last paragraph, since I think we're going to have to disagree on the other points. Especially, as Chris Clarke recently pointed out, that although one may feel alienated for one's beliefs in various circles, the mainstream culture is far more friendly to right-leaning beliefs than it is to those on the left (at least in terms of the media). Simply comparing the numbers of talk radio stations, for example, should make that clear. Left-wing: 1.

As for the foreign country issue -- if I were to leave, it would be permanently. I would renounce my US citizenship, so the employment issues you're describing would not be relevant. Nor would the anti-Americanism you fear. (Which, by the way, has been primarily aimed at Bush and his policies, not the majority of Americans as individuals -- as the number of nonAmerican readers and bloggers on my blogroll should make clear. Should we re-elect him, that may well change.)

For me, the idea of changing my country of loyalty is not something to be taken lightly, at all, which is why it scares me that this is increasingly seeming like not only a reasonable but a desirable option. Doing so would mean choosing to turn my homeland into a foreign country, of never being able to see its deserts and oceans and mountains except as a tourist on a visa, of leaving behind family and friends, of having to learn a new system and perhaps even a new language. When I say something like "I'm wondering if I should move to Canada/ Australia/ the UK" I don't mean it lightly. It means that my own native country is becoming so profoundly alien to my values and beliefs that another country would be less foreign than my own.

As for the last point -- I suppose that's part of why I'm still here. I'm not yet selfish enough to leave, and I have hope that my voice can still be heard and make a difference. But that hope is dwindling. An example: I used to be a regular writer of letters to the editor and to various Congresspeople and even the president. But this year, one of the organizations to which I belonged suggested writing a letter the president asking him to reconsider one of his environmental decisions. In other years I would have done so, feeling that although a positive outcome was unlikely, the president's staff would at least record my opinions and pass them on and the president might, indeed, reconsider. This time around, I just looked at the "alert" and thought, with deep cynicism and sadness, "He doesn't care what I think -- and he never will." Add in all the problems with our voting systems, the reluctance of our press to talk critically about problems and issues, and so on, and it's hard to shake the growing belief that no matter how loud and how clearly and how often I iterate my fears and beliefs and concerns too few people want to listen.

I want to live my life, same as anybody. Why is it too much to expect that people with my views shouldn't have to fight on a daily basis just to be heard, let alone be taken seriously?

In other words -- I see no point in killing myself trying to turn this country into something it clearly doesn't want to become, and, indeed, is rejecting with increasing fervor.

[Kevin Walzer]

Rana, that last comment was from me--you've already responded to it--my name didn't get picked up. Weird.

Kevin Walzer

[Rana]

Whoop. It looks like it happened to my name too.

*scurries off to fix*

(I was wondering if it were you -- the style was familiar. :) )

[Rana]

Oh, and I didn't mean to imply that your feelings of alienation were trivial or illegitimate -- just that I myself personally feel like there's more support for your views out there than mine, in terms of the popular culture and the wider political discourse. YMMV, obviously.

[Harrison]

I feel your pain.

[wolfangel]

By the way, Kevin, you're mostly right about academic jobs in Canada; it's harder to hire non-Canadians than Canadians (except, I think, those who have already lived here). This is changing, and if I look back, it's not like I had more than half of my professors Canadian (in the US I would estimate that my professors were 75% American, though of course this is humanities -- linguistics, cogpsych, philo, one CS guy; in Canada I am thinking of a much more general sample, but it seems to be true in any given department I can think of) -- and a sample of one school. But in non-academic jobs, there's no real preference. (And if you're a French-English translator, they will hand you a passport as you march in.)

Rana, I do hope you find that the US becomes a little more towards what you think it ought to be and feel you can stay.

[Fw]

Yes, the hiring practices in Canada have changed over the last five years, and it is now a choice made at the discretion of the individual institution. However, I know quite a large number of Americans who are working at Canadian universities from even before this change in policy. (Meaning, that Canadian-first hiring policies were not set in stone to begin with).