A new game from wolfangel -- go to google.com and type in "You know you're from..." Select a list or two and (1) bold the points you find noteworthy and (2) italicize the things people got wrong.
From California, two versions:
1. Your coworker has 8 body piercing and none are visible.
2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.
3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze.
5. You can't remember...is pot illegal?
6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
8. You know which restaurant serves the freshest arugula.
[I don't like arugula.]
9. You can't remember.....is pot illegal?
10. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
11. A low speed police pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast.
[Yes. Sad but true.]
12. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
[Oh, yes. Currently going for about $2.25 for regular unleaded.]
13. A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotch less chaps. You don't even notice.
14. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney IS George Clooney.
[Um, this is home. And I've never seen a celebrity in person. Well, David Sedaris and P.J. O'Rourke. Do they count?]
15. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
17. You can't remember...is pot illegal?
[Okay, this is getting old. I don't think California has a lock on pot-smoking anyway.]
18. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station about "STORM WATCH 2000."
[Not quite. More popular is sending a weather guy out to report on bad weather elsewhere.]
19. You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:00 PM Tae Bo class.
[No, but we did have a masseusse come to work one day.]
20. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cell phones or pagers.
[Try teenagers.]
21. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
[Heck yes. But this is less silly than it sounds. For one, oil builds up on the road and the first rain makes it really slick and scary. For another, people forget this and drive at their usual high speeds. It is a bad combination.]
22. Hey!!!! Is Pot Illegal????
[Oh, shut up.]
23. Both you AND your dog have therapists.
[No, but we do have trendy stores with feather boas for dogs.]
* The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.
* You were born somewhere else.
[Yep.]
* You know how to eat an artichoke.
[Yep. What's odd about this?]
* The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic.
* Your car has bullet-proof windows.
* Left is right and right is wrong.
* Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.
* Your mouse has only one ball.
* You need a new TV, you can run down to the local riot and pick one up.
* You dive under a desk whenever a large truck goes by.
[No, fool. We can tell the difference between a quake and a 3.0 quake. At night. When we are asleep. And a 3.0 isn't desk-worthy anyway. It has to be at least a 4.0, and maybe a 5.0.]
* You can't find your other earring because your son is wearing it.
* You drive to your neighborhood block party.
* Your family tree contains "significant others."
* Your cat has its own psychiatrist.
* You don't exterminate your roaches, you smoke them.
* You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.
* More than clothes come out of the closets.
* When "the Dead" are best live.
* You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.
* Your blind date turns out to be your ex-spouse.
* More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers.
* Smoking in your office is not optional.
* You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.
[Well, yes. The water is cold, and the sun is warm. Observe my weather pixie!]
* When you can't schedule a meeting because you must "do lunch."
* Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks.
[I have four pairs myself. Does this count?]
* Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news.
[Yes. See above. It should be noted, though, that most rainstorms do not involve thunder at all. It is entirely possible to go two or three years without hearing thunder here.]
* You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hot tub repairman.
* You consult your horoscope before planning your day.
* A glass has been reserved for you at your favorite winery.
* When all highways into the state say: "no fruits."
* All highways out of the state say: "Go back."
So Californians are all image-obsessed dope-heads who spend all our time on the road and all our money on lawyers and therapists. Nice.
Oregon:
1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
2. "Vacation" means going to Portland for the weekend.
3. You measure distance in hours.
[As wolfangel noted, relative to this being attributed to Canadians, this is unusual why? Heck, most Californians do this too!]
4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
6. You use a down comforter in the summer.
7. Your grandparents drive at 65 mph through a raging rain storm without flinching.
[My parents (well, my dad) do this.]
8. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
[Heck yeah. It's dark out there, and no one wants to get wet fumbling for a keyhole!]
10.You think of the major food groups as elk meat, beer, fish, and berries.
11. You carry jumper cables in your pick-up and your wife knows how to use them.
12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the Bi-Mart store at any given time.
[Yay, Bi-Mart! But nobody I know leaves the car running. I think they have Oregonians confused with people in Wisconsin.]
13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a raincoat.
[Raincoat? What's that?]
14. Driving is better in the winter because almost everybody stays home.
[Bah. No one stays home for something like weather.]
15. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas.
16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still raining, and construction.
17. It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item even when you're in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.
18. You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your friends from Oregon.
[This has happened.]
Verdict -- while the list for Oregon is an exaggeration, those for California are distortions. Now, if they'd substituted "Los Angeles" for "California," then maybe I'd agree. But most of the state is not L.A.
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