Needs, Wants and Oughts

I've read a number of guides and advice manuals on things like managing your life, your budget, your career, etc. One trope that keeps appearing is that, in order to make your life/budget/etc. work more efficiently, you must first learn to separate your needs from your wants. The next step, presumably, is to then give priority to the needs when the two are in conflict.

Unfortunately, I've come to realize that it is more complicated than that. It really should be learning to distinguish between needs, wants and "oughts." That is, there are things you must do, things you'd like to do, and things you should do. It's prioritizing the last two that gets tricky.

Examples:

I need to eat dinner; I want to order pizza; I ought to make my own meal.
I need to get more sleep; I want to stay up and sleep in; I ought to go to bed earlier.

Then there are the oughts vs. wants battles that have little or nothing to do with needs:

I ought to clean my apartment; I want to go for a walk.
I ought to finish this sweater; I want to start a new project.
I ought to use some of my free time to do research or learn new things; I want to stay up late reading fiction.

You get the idea. What I want are advice books that give help in terms of separating oughts from wants (and in determining whether the oughts are appropriate or not). The ones I've seen, however, tend to be long on spirituality or "finding your bliss" and short on practical advice.

(Isn't that always the case? Reminds me of my encounters with the job search books...)

Comments

[Michelle]

Hmm, the first thing that I thought, ironically enough, is that if you were a parent, you'd be well on your way to recovering your identity because you're confusing the oughts with the wants and that's the whole preservative notion for a blissful parent (in my opinion). I'm of the "mess will be there later" variety. I think a nice walk is much more important than cleaning! Embarking on something new rather than finishing the current is a recent irritation of mine and I've consoled myself that it's "entertainment" so whatever works, works. Oh, I don't know. I guess what I'm trying to say is take the advice I "ought" to give myself (and perhaps I am projecting), and it's pretty simple, just do what you want. What's it really matter if you indulge rather than slave? Send this to me in your more elegant recapitulation when I need a speech on slackerism. ;)

[Rana]

Hee hee. Nice to have the outside validation. :)