Another Exhausting Day

The good news is that I processed 7 more applications than I did yesterday. Unfortunately, that's also the bad news.

It's only day two and I'm already feeling tired by this job. Probably a large part of it is the result of being genuinely tired; I am wonderful at getting up at the crack of dawn if I have enough sleep, but getting up when it's dark -- fugeddabout it. Too, I find myself trying to make up for the tedium of the day by cramming all sorts of little activities into the night (like catching up on the blogs) and, because I'm tired, I have poor judgement about the best use of my time or the will needed to go to bed by 9pm. How people manage to do jobs like this and have social lives and kids I have no idea. (Although I suppose that children, tending to be early risers, would be good alarm clocks.)

Coupled with an increasing disinterest in the job itself and its larger context, this is not good. I'm not bored, exactly -- I'm too busy for that -- but I don't feel inspired, either. Nothing about the job speaks to my interests, or my goals, or even really my skills. All one needs is a good eye and memory for detail to do a good job here.

Now, I know that some of this is par for the course with any entry-level job. Yet I look around me and have to ask -- just what am I entering here? Do I want to supervise other people doing this very same tedious job? Do I want to brainstorm ways to bring in more clients? Would -- shudder -- sales be a way to move laterally? There's no job in the place that I'd rather do than this one, and I don't really want to do this one! Sure, I could probably find a way to rise in the company, but what an empty life. (I will admit that this is my own prejudiced perspective; if others find it rewarding and fascinating, more power to them.)

I've heard that one way to deal with such a scenario is to treat the job as a way to make money that allows me to then do more rewarding things. This is fine in theory, but in practice? In the evening I'm too tired and brain-dead to manage much more than a brief bit of web surfing and maybe some tv plus make dinner and call D..

Even if I were lively and perky, what would I do? All the archives and libraries I've used before close by 5pm (most of them are government organizations) and most don't open on the weekends (which are in any case reserved for grocery shopping, laundry, bill-paying and squeezing in a visit with D.). Hiking and drawing don't work so well after sundown. In fact, most of the places I like to go are closed after hours; I'm not a hang out in a bar kind of person. Evening yoga class is the only thing that I might be able to enjoy -- and so far I've been too exhausted to consider it.

So, not only is this job a dead-end in a career sense, it is deadening me in a larger sense. Not good. Yet, even so, I worry that my stint will end soon, because I need the money and can't afford to "indulge" my desire for a more fulfilling existence.

*sigh*


{Edit} When I woke up (well, was woken up) this morning I realized how self-indulgent much of the above is. I mean, really, in some ways I'm only frustrated because I've lived a privileged enough life that I can reasonably hope for more. Were I a third-world farmer or an inner-city single mom, a job like I've described would be a godsend -- clean, reasonable hours, no heavy labor, benefits, etc.

Maybe thinking on this will help at work today?