Functional Depression

Today Dorothea over at Caveat Lector wrote "I strongly resist the idea that depressed or angry people are completely non-functioning. For Pete�s sake, I know better! In the grip of the same paralyzing depression that left me unable to read, I taught forty-odd people Spanish, and did so pretty damned well, thank you. So I don�t believe in telling people that they can�t get anything accomplished unless and until they fix their thoughts."

This sounds terribly familiar. Appearances of this blog to the contrary, most people don't know when I'm depressed. I have the lovely ability to suddenly look happy and cheerful when someone pokes their head into my office to say hi, then go back to the doom and gloom once they've gone. I know full well when I am depressed, why I am depressed, what I need to do to mask my depression and that -- often -- there is no good reason for my depression. My reason knows this, anyway; try telling this to whatever part of my psyche is responsible for being depressed in the first place. It doesn't like to listen to reason.

It's at times like this when I begin to understand why depression, anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorders seem to be related diseases; when I'm depressed, I know it on an intellectual level but I can't stop obsessively wallowing in it. Anxiety I seem to have a better handle on; I used to get panic attacks, not know what they were and panic some more. Now I think "Oh, it's another damn panic attack" and patiently wait it out. If only I could learn to do that with depression!